Over a year ago now, in May 2013, I came back from an adoption conference with an incredible burden for the waiting moms I’d met. Though we were also waiting, we were earlier along in our process at that point and my heart broke for those who had waited so long with so little movement in their adoption journeys. Most of them knew their children, but were nowhere near being able to bring them home and parent them. They were at the end of their ropes in every sense.
Now, 16 months after I first wrote to those weary, waiting moms, I am that weary, waiting mom. I look back and read that post and realize, in some ways, the wait has had me so numb that I felt paralyzed in this space. I stopped being vulnerable here because even with those walking closest with us, it’s hard to be honest. It hurts to say, over and over again, that no, we do not have any news. No, nothing has changed. No, our daughter is not coming home yet. No, I don’t know when she will come home.
The blog’s been quiet and there is one reason: my heart’s been weighed down heavy with this waiting.
Recently, a dear friend challenged me to write. She knew this place had been too quiet, and I knew she was right. In my core, I know writing is part of who I am and what I’m called to do.
So today, I’m showing up. It may not be pretty or neat or nicely packaged, but I’m here. I’m reminding myself of all those truths I wrote about 16 months ago: that the wait is not worthless, that I am not alone, that God is still God, and that He fulfills every promise.
I’m showing up because the story is meant to be shared, even when it’s painful.
I’m writing because I know there is someone that needs the words, even if it’s only me.
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Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing some of the verses that the Lord has used to sustain me during the wait. Maybe together we can cling to the only true Hope we have, Christ alone.