My husband and I married young at ages 21 and 22. I suppose what you consider young is all relative to what you know and your culture (umm, look at Mary the mother of Jesus, wasn’t she like 13 or something?), but I only knew family members, aunts, and uncles, that married in their late twenties and into their thirties. 
According to the US Census Bureau (2010), the median age for a first marriage is 28.7 years old for men and 26.7 years old for women, and most everyone I knew personally when we got married had married even later in life. So right off the bat, I felt I was a young wife, like “everyone” was looking at us wondering why we married so young, despite my confidence that God brought us together and was honored in our marriage.
Less than a year into our marriage, we were shocked terrified surprised to find out I was pregnant. After literally calling the number on the pregnancy test box to make sure I was reading the lines on the stick correctly, my husband and I sat down on our living room floor and starred at each other in total shock.
Never mind that I had no job and we had no health insurance, this baby posed a big change of plans. We were on the five year plan: you know, have time to establish our marriage, enjoy our life with little responsibility, get a dog, live it up while we were young. My daughter was born when I was 23 years old, and at the time, I didn’t know anyone my age with kids. I felt young and inexperienced, and thought others were viewing me that way, too.
Why have I vested so much wasted energy and time worrying what others were thinking, and wishing things had turned out differently?
I believe both marriage and motherhood were undeniably God’s plan for me, and He is honored in them. I see that now.
But for so long, my own insecurities, lack of trust, and perceptions of what I thought life should be like have hindered me from walking in the fullness of that plan.
I ache to think of how many years (YEARS!) I wished away, resented, and grumbled through.
I let the hard parts of mommyhood, exhaustion, more pregnancies and more babies, strong wills, sleepless nights, and the sacrifice of myself, overshadow the blessing. Really, I did not surrender to the plan of the One who made it all come to pass and ordained every day of my life (and these little lives) before one of them came to be. I didn’t receive motherhood as a gift, but held tight my grip on the illusion of what should have been.
That baby girl that welcomed us into parenting nearly six years ago started Kindergarten one week ago. Her two younger, silly, and crazy brothers helped bring her to class that first day.
And it came just as fast as everyone says, but I never believed it would. “The days are long, but the years are short” my sweet mentor told me as I struggled through early years.
At the start of this new season of life, my heart wells up to think how quickly those toddler and preschool years did in fact pass. And just yesterday, Sarah Mae writes these words, so true, of our one shot at this season of motherhood, “…The season of the little years, the season of the tween years, the season of the teen years. Yes, the season of our children being in our home. It’s a long one, for sure, but it’s also a short one.”
I can’t help but believe there are mamas reading today that feel more than a little weighed down by the diaper changing and snot wiping and bed wetting and feeding and nursing and cooking and non-sleeping that is happening in your home.
And I just long to give you a hug because in so many ways, I’m still right there with you. Two little men, one and a half and three and a half, that need their mama for all those basic things, and an almost-six-year-old who still needs me very much, but in some new ways now.
Maybe you’re beyond weighed down. Maybe you’re resenting the role. Resenting them? Maybe you’re angry. Maybe you’re wishing life turned out differently. Maybe, ironically, your own self is the greatest hindrance to you living right now the life that is yours alone to live.
If you’ve been holding on to a picture of life that is not the gift He’s given, would you let it go today, friend?
You can let your selfishness steep and the bitterness grow and find yourself five years from now wishing you’d just accepted what was always meant to be yours,
Or you can let go right now.
Raise your hands and surrender. Loose your grip and open your palms to receive the little blessings right in front of you. Release the illusion you are chasing frantically to gain the life He’s given freely.
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Heavenly Father, we receive your good gifts today. We resolve to not wish away another moment, but to give praise and thanks to the Giver of Life for every dirty diaper and sleepless night and challenging moment. We cling to your cross and claim your grace for these long days that make up short years. Our hearts, our hands, our lives, are open to receive, not that which we believe is good, but that which You have for us. God, we’re letting go of us so we can serve You. In Jesus name, Amen.
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. (Matthew 16:25)
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I’m sharing My Hazardous Faith Story as part of a synchroblog connected with the release of Ed Cyzewski and Derek Cooper’s new book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus.
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I was just reading in Luke 20 today where Jesus said to give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s. Of course, everything, our very life, belongs to him. He wants to bless our lives so much, but in order to receive his blessings we need to live life with open hands…the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!
Thanks for keeping this fresh in my mind today.
Blessing!
Oh how I love your heart sweet friend. Thank you for sharing it with all of us today. Beautiful. Blessings.
Thanks Wendy!!! :) -l
Love this! The days can seem so hard and long sometimes. It’s sooooo easy to let it all pass and grumble through it all! We have tried to conceive for 5 years and were blessed with the adoption of our daughter (now 19 months) at birth. Even through all of those days of longing to be a mommy and my promise to never forget those days…I still have hard days. Thanks for your reminder! I’ve written a similar post on my blog today, also!
Christie
Satisfaction Through Christ
You know, Christie, as I was writing I thought so much about those that cannot conceive and how painful it must be for those women to hear about, read about, be around complaining mamas! Thank you for that reminder. And so glad to hear you’ve adopted… I am crazy passionate about adoption, and we continue to wait for God’s timing of this for our family… I so want people to know that adoption is not plan B only for those who cannot have children by birth, but that God calls us ALL to care for widows and orphans.
Appreciate your comment and I’ll be headed over your way today! :)
blessings! -L
When our youngest daughter had children I told her to enjoy the early years as they go by so fast and before you know it your kids are grown and those wonderful years of their childhood are past, can’t get them back.
I look at pictures of my kids when they were little and sometimes I can’t remember some things about those years. The years of your children being children are so precious, I wish I could do it all over again, no matter how hard it was sometimes.
I had an emotional/mental problem during those years so wasn’t able to be the Mother I would have been if I’d had some help then or the medical field knew about depression and anxiety. I was 52 before I got help with my problems. I was born with a condition that caused alot of my problem but there wasn’t knowledge about that then either. Cherish those darling little humans we are entrusted with. Because of the problems I had when my kids were young they won’t let me be a grama now even tho I take meds for it.Can you imagine how much that hurts?
Jane Ellen, it is so good to hear from someone whose children are grown, to hear that we can make it out on the other side ;) But also to know that we truly will miss these years, which is hard to believe on the really hard days! I cannot imagine how much it hurts to not be able to be an active grandma… all I can offer is that your prayers for those children are heard by a loving God that is able to restore all things. Praying peace for you today, friend. -l
thanks so much for linking up with this story. We too have had our plans for our lives and then had to make a major shift when God called us to new careers. That transition, in part, is what got me writing Hazardous. God kept asking us to take one leap of faith after another. It was hard and there were many sacrifices, but there were so many blessings along the way.
Ed, thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Incredible the blessing that comes when we let go of our plans, eh? I’ve only just heard of the book and am looking forward to reading and hearing more of your story. blessings, lauren
Thank you for sharing this precious and important reminder with the Thrive @ Home community!
Thanks Jenni :)
I’m the queen of wishing away or looking forward to what’s ahead instead of embracing the right now. When my son was born, I really didn’t want to do that. I was so thankful for him that I didn’t want to miss a moment (b/c of some medical history, I wasn’t sure I would ever have kids–but he actually came easily and as a surprise!). Thank you for this reminder, now that I’m in the trenches of it all, that being a mommy is truly a blessing!
Thanks for linking up with WIP!
I can so relate to this post. Five kids in ten years demanded that I learn to just savor the moment and die to self constantly. Not EASY, but worth it!
Wow… amazing, Alicia!!! You’re an inspiration!!!
What a beautiful post! I so enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Laura :)
I believe both marriage and motherhood were undeniably God’s plan for me, and He is honored in them. I see that now.
sighing deeply after reading this. feeling very refreshed and encouraged. thank you so much for linking with imperfect prose! peace to you, e.
Children are such a blessing. It is a shame so many young mothers out there don’t get to experience it as God planned. There is nothing like motherhood. It gives bloggers lots of material to pull from.
Blessings to you.
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I’m in the season of exhaustion, as a mama and foster mama with 3 preschoolers in the house and I forget so many times every single day what a gift it is. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m ready for a nap. But I’m holding tight to the days while I see my other babies, 15, 13, and 9 grow so swiftly, who were all just babies a moment ago it seems. Your children are beautiful. :)
I just came upon this blog and I was in tears! I also got married at 22 and had my first child at 23. It came as a surprise to us too and I felt my dreams of having the career I always wanted die as I entered motherhood. My son is 11 months old now but I have been resentful , bitter, tired and jealous of my non mommy friends. I realize just how selfish I may sound but I pictured an exciting life with a well paying career and I find myself sleep deprived , depressed and unhappy. I just wanted to say thank you. You have opened my eyes and I realized I am wasting precious baby time wishing I was someone else some place else.
Wow. Great post. Thanks for being so transparent! My husband and I are expecting our first (three more months to go!! eek!). We are so excited, but yet the nerves are hitting as well. My biggest thing right now is accepting the change/transition God is leading and placing on my heart to be home with our kids. And just your experience with how fast it goes, really confirmed that *unknown* desire in me. I know it won’t be easy, but I know that I need to embrace what God is calling me to in a new season. Your transparency is so encouraging!